As a new mother the question of returning to work can be daunting. It’s not as simple as going on maternity leave and then coming back. Unlike a holiday, when you return to work, things go back to normal. But normal takes on a whole new meaning when you’re a mother. Once you have children, life is never the same – in a good way, and in a crazy, barely hanging on the edge kind of way. So it requires a new approach to work and consideration of several other factors such as childcare, earnings, workload and responsibilities – plus the overarching question: is it even possible to balance it all? But before we answer those questions, let’s take a step back.
This challenge is not unique or new. Women now contribute 75% of the veterinary workforce in the UK and many women are progressing in their careers without having to give up the idea of having a family as well. The profession is a demanding one, but it is also one that can offer flexibility, and if approached with realistic expectations on all sides it is possible to find a balance. It all starts with a critical view of reality.
What isn’t going to change?
As you well know, working as a vet, there will always be emergencies. Working shifts cover consulting hours and surgery, as well as being available to be on call. And this is usually where the clash with family responsibilities comes in. As a single professional, it’s easy to drop and go, even if it means walking out on a date or leaving a social with friends. Even if you have a partner, generally you’ll still have the freedom to respond easily and quickly to an emergency call. Having children changes that.
Even if you have grandma on call or a super-efficient and understanding husband you will not be able to just drop things and go. It’s just not as simple as that, especially within the first 2 years. So returning to work needs to factor that in, because otherwise you’ll constantly feel like you’re letting someone down. If you don’t respond you’ll feel like you’re letting down the practice and the clients. And if you do respond you may feel like you’re letting down your family, or being a bad mum. Mother’s guilt – it’s real and it’s the most important thing to recognise if you want to find a healthy balance between work and family life.
What you don’t get told about being a new mother
Being a parent is one of the biggest rollercoaster rides you can imagine. And as soon as you think you have things figured out, something else will happen that will take you right back to figuring it out all over again. You will endure torture and most of the time you won’t even be aware of it. The sleepless nights, the stinky nappy changes, the anxiety and not knowing what the crying is about are simply part of being a mother. You hear about post-natal depression but you probably will have no real clue just how much your hormones are affecting your moods and thoughts until you feel like you’re completely losing it, or someone else steps in to point out the obvious.
The reality is that as much as it’s a wonderful experience, it’s also physically and emotionally exhausting. Days are made up of seemingly repetitive tasks and many women start asking the question – who am I anymore? It’s one of the reasons a lot of women want to return to work. They miss the mental stimulation, the adult interaction and the sense of accomplishment that comes with putting in a day’s work. At the same time there’s a shift in priorities and you may not feel as passionate about your work as before. This doesn’t make you a bad Vet or a less committed one – you’re just juggling more responsibilities.
What’s different?
Despite the feeling that you want to return to work, being realistic about how much to take on is prudent. Don’t expect to be able to put in the same hours or have the same level of focus. Consider working a set number of hours a week with flexibility built in. Sit down with your boss or partners and have a discussion around expectations from both a business and personal point of view. If you’ve put in the time and effort, your expertise will be valued. Rather offer less time and be able to meet those expectations than promise to go back full time and consistently have to take time off for family responsibilities. If your child is sick, even if there is someone who can help care for them while you work, it’ll take away your focus.
It’s better to communicate openly, and be realistic about your time availability, and don’t feel guilty about not offering more. It won’t be this way forever, just a season, enjoy the change of pace.